Hear No Evil

I was studying at Borders this weekend, and I got approached by a deaf veteran who was selling US flag pins so he could raise money to learn sign language. I didn't have any cash in my wallet, and I felt tremendously sorry having to turn him away. I'm starting to meet more veterans in my line of work, and for the first time, I'm getting a sense of what hurdles they have to jump through on a daily basis to get their well-deserved benefits. Apparently, in cases of hearing loss, there isn't much that the VA administration can do for you medically or otherwise. Hell, they're not even paying for your sign language classes, so what more could you expect?!

What is the real cost/benefit ratio of joining the military? On weekends, I see all the army recruits walking down the streets, and they seem chipper, fearless, and young. But as for me, I feel fear for them, because my main interaction with them is at the hospital, when all their youthful invincibility is irrevocably stripped away from them. Do they truly know what they are signing up for? Do they have a plan ready for if and when they come home with a war injury?

With the debt from med school building up (I'll prob pay around $150,000 when it's all said and done), I've considered doing a military payback plan. But then I see people like the veteran in Borders, and I realize there's no way in hell I would ever deliberately put myself in a situation where that might happen to me. Luckily, I have that privilege of choosing no, and knowing that my life will probably turn out just dapper anyway. I would imagine that the kids who end up getting recruited have much less rosy options.

I can't change that. I can only change how I treat the veterans I see, how much effort I put in, how much advocacy I chose to take on in my personal career. The more I'm involved in medicine, the more I see that there are SO MANY problems to be fixed, so many injustices, so many situations where I feel overwhelmed. Obama's inauguration is tomorrow, and I think a lot of people are expecting his presidency to usher in a new wave of.... something. I voted for the guy, but I don't think he can do more than inspire us. In the end, it's us who have to do the work, who have to make the commitment, who have to sacrifice some of our precious personal time.
I've given up on finding love while still in medical school - it's a pain in the ass anyway, and after all the effort, I still wind up feeling more bad than good. I'm going to spend the rest of this year just trying to be a good medical student, and crossing things off my list like I promised myself I would. Then maybe I can finally go to sleep at peace at night, without asking myself - as I have for the past few nights - just what the hell it is I'm doing with my life.