THIS is what a feminist looks like

Since starting work at Feminist Women's Health Center this summer I've been thinking a lot about feminism and what it means to me. This internal conversation was precipitated earlier this summer when Lydia told me she considered me a feminist, and I was surprised before coming to my senses and realizing that I shouldn't be offended about that. I guess what bothered me then, and what bothers me now, about being "feminist" is that the term has a mainstream connotation, and I don't agree with it. So you see, it's that I don't think I'm feminist - I definitely am - but I don't want people thinking I'm something I'm not. So what does it mean to be a modern feminist to me?

All too often, we fall into the trap of defining feminism by the issues it defends. For example, feminism is about protecting women's reproductive rights, about breaking corporate glass ceilings, about lesbianism, etc. I don't like this definition of feminism, because it's utterly absurd to assume that all feminist will feel the same way these issues (unless, of course, you want to make "feminist" this super exclusive club, which is to say, stupid). I mean, for goodness sake, I WORK at an abortion clinic, and I still have qualms about certain aspects of it. So let's drop this issues stuff, because it totally denies the diversity of feminism, not to mention that it makes feminism sound like some kind of platform and not an adjective for PEOPLE. On the same note, let's also drop the whole "waves" business. That may be a convenient historical taxonomic system, but I think it's ridiculous when people proudly proclaim themselves "second wave feminists" or whatever. It just constrains what they can do.

If anything, feminism and being feminist should be a kind of mentality, or a way of living. To me, that's the only way to account for the diversity of feminist aims and personalities without losing the social coherence that we need. When I think of feminists, I think of women who think about their lives in a social context, who care about their actions, and who recognize their own ability to change things (preferably they do change things). So, no getting kicked out the feminist club if you believe that men should also be able to prosecute rape, or if you don't agree with affirmative action, or if you want to have a heterosexual marriage and raise 2.5 children in suburbia. Because what I hate even more than strangers telling me that I'm a dirty feminist are strangers telling me that I'm not a good enough feminist.

At it's root, I believe feminism is about women acknowledging their own power and not being afraid to make decisions for themselves. Let's face it - our own opinions are constantly being challenged by others, and much more so than mens. You like a certain brand of make-up? Well, Marie Claire is going to tell you that you should try Revlon's instead. You want to have sex with more than one man? Neighbors are calling you slut. And don't get me wrong, sometimes' it's truly well-intentioned. I want to pursue a career, but that doesn't stop my mother from asking when I'm going to get a boyfriend. You don't have to ignore this perpetual stream of influence; that would be impossible, not to mention superhuman. What you can do is take it into account, but not to heart. We're all smart women with our own reasons for doing things, and as long as we've given it thought, we shouldn't be ashamed of following through with our personal logic. That's it. No other credentials for being a feminist.

I think Jessica Valenti, author of Full Frontal Feminism, nails it on the head when she writes, "In the same way it's stupid to say that all feminists are hairy man-haters, it's stupid to say that women who rock heels and mascara aren't hardcore enough... Everyone has their own version of feminism, everyone has their own idea of what feminism is. It's not so important that we all agree all the time as it is that we respect each other's opinions. How else can we move forward without killing each other?"