Summer Sandals

"Flip Flop, Flip Flop," or so Natalie Angier describes them in The Canon. That's also the way I feel about what I'm going to declare in January. For a while I was feeling confident about psych, then I did ob-gyn, loved the rush, and was ob-gyn all the way. Now that I'm distanced from both of them (I'm on my pediatrics rotation at the moment), psych is tugging at me again and the allure of vaginas and surgical tools are starting to fade.

Flip flop, flip flop, and I'm back at square one.

I've made the lists of pros and cons of both fields, but it hasn't been terribly helpful. When it comes down to it, these two fields appeal to two different sides of me, have their own distinct virtues, and I can see myself loving a career in either one. I think I'm taking the rights steps - namely, getting additional exposure to both fields by doing a few days at Wesley Woods at Emory over break, and then doing an elective in REI in March at MCG - but I'm scared that even after those, it'll still be a last-minute, "hope I will never regret this" kind of impulsive decision.

They say you'll just "know" when you hit the right rotation in medical school, but so far, I haven't found that to be the case. There has only been time in my life where I've felt something to be undeniably true, and let's be honest, that incident didn't particularly do me any favors. Some of my classmates pray, but I don't even know who to pray to, or what form my prayer should take. Or if divine intervention is really the solution I'd want to my problem. I know that I've made the right choice by going into medicine, I have no regrets or doubts about that. But what's the next step??

Washington Irving once said that great minds have purposes, while little minds only have wishes. Right now, I don't know what my purpose is, and am treading water because of it. I wish I didn't feel like I was throwing punches in the dark. Ah, wishes of the little mind...

Take a cue from my picture above, God, and shed some light on my life. In the meantime, I'll just do what I keep telling my little sister to do, which is to pick something - or two things - and keep getting engaged in them. Even if we have two loves, we eventually pick one, and it's the matter of which/whom grabs our heartstrings first when the time is right.