a commitment

Yesterday, I found a cache of my old writings, and reading through my old thoughts made me see that I really have changed these past few years. It was a bit of a surprise, because I really didn't think I had. I guess it all just comes upon you so gradually that the change is imperceptible. I want different things now than I did when I was 18, I admire different types of people, and I demand different qualities in my friends. Who would've known??

So, in response to that, I'm going to try to become a little bit more self-aware, and I'm going to do that via my blog. I'm going to try and post something at least every other day, for an entire year. The posts might not be significant; they may be quotes, they may be links to articles, products I find interesting, or just a thought I had. But they shall be posted!

It's an experiment on several levels.
1. Can I do it? I AM inclined to be lazy!
2. Will I read through my posts in the future, and think, as I did while reading my old journals, "Wow, this is a different person than who I am now!" (I suspect I will).
3. Finally, I hope that this promise will keep me thinking, even if the thoughts aren't deep. What I've realized about med school is that it gets so busy and overwhelming that you forget to take a step back and actually SEE the world again. Or to look inside yourself, and see how all these experiences are changing you. I'm worried that I'm turning into a competent automaton, without any sense of the beauty of things I used to have.

I once told a friend to make a list of all the things he loved best about his youth, and to hold on to those things. I still believe that's a good thing to do, but I fear I haven't exactly been doing that myself. So here is the list of the traits of my youth I'd like to hold on to: a sense of wonder, unbridled laughter, and an optimism about the world that does not preclude rationality.